I have a beautiful notebook. The picture on its cover is of the sunset, yellows, oranges and gold’s.

Its a few years old now, it is still pristine. I look at it often but do not write in it, in case the words I write are not good enough somehow for its perfect blank pages.

What if I mess it up? Cross out? My handwriting may not be neat enough? Write something that does not fit with this perfection?

Then one day, quietly musing as I stare at the crisp white pages, I wondered if I live my life like this – and realise  in part, I do.

I cannot paint, so better not try as I will be rubbish.
I cannot write and there is no one who would like to read it anyway.
I cannot meditate and I would not be able to still my mind in any case.
I cannot swim as I do not look like a model in my swimming costume.
I cannot join a walking group as I walk too slowly and people will judge me.

And on and on, the more I think the more I see how I restrict myself and how it is actually stopping my life.

But I can change I think to myself, as I pick up a pen and decide to write a ‘can do and will do’ list in my clean notebook.

There are things I can do, and will do, simply by having a go I write…

Then my perfect attempt of neat handwriting starts to fade as my list gets longer, I cross out and change words, use a numbering system then decide on bullet points.

Its a bit messy but real, like my life.

Let’s try a story I think, no I think I will start by writing about my notebook, then the story, then oh, buy some paints. I will add that to my other list and just squeeze it in, more mess, oh well.

I see that life is messy, change happens.

So, I don’t have to be perfect, it’s okay not to be, nothing always goes to plan, we are only human after all.

Guest Blogger – Chris

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